I feel pressure when I go up to the Sketch Club. The people there, a few of them young, are very nice but they just draw the model, nothing more. I use the model as a "spark of life- from life" to fight off my compulsive stylization. A few years back (out of frustration) the notion came that I should just purify myself of all the dogmas imposed by my teachers. I took great pleasure in inverting every rule. Especially those rules given to me without explanation. The biggest "joy-giver" was assuming my power over the model. Showing the model in my own pure emotion towards him/her- hate, affection, etc. I also became more obsessed with anatomy- doing my interpretation of it as I was learning it. When the models occasionally got to see a drawing of mine some seemed excited that I was doing something different. Others, I think, felt a certain sense of violation. I was not in some academic way trying to depict them, but drawing them as I personally perceived them. I was drawing with such a heavy hand I may have wanted through brute strength to force out anything that I deemed a heresy. Anything that could possibly hinder my complete isolation.
However that is what is so different in my current drawings. I have been pushing the line back calming myself and I've picked yellow to depict that-it seems to me one of the lighter colors. I want to let in the page. Give different parts of the figure stronger representation or focus on them. I have been all over the place with my ideas however I decided that the human figure is something I want to strictly focus on and make it my domain.
PS I haven't really been naming the pieces but I would like to call one of them "Concubine."